


w-what do you mean you're not single??

by swablurb



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Comedy, Drunken Flirting, Fluff, M/M, bc lance is drunk and the fic is lance-centric, it's almost crack, so a lot of stuff is heavily exaggerated, so almost crack but not crack, there's this tiny part at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 08:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11551254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swablurb/pseuds/swablurb
Summary: the fic version of that meme post where a friend tells person A "you flirted with your boyf while you were drunk and then cried when he said he wasn't single"





	w-what do you mean you're not single??

**Author's Note:**

> man I'm unoriginal as hell grabbing all my fic ideas from memes this is my third one yet but enjoy y'all

Lance is drunk.

It hadn't been his _intention_ to get drunk; of course it wasn't. Or at least, he hadn't meant to get _this_ drunk, not that his present self is actually aware of the fact. No, not at all, because the current him is swathed in darkness, fuzzy thoughts drifting lazily through his head and a comforting hum of voices and clinking tableware occasionally reaching his ears.

His thoughts swirl around questioningly.

_Who are these voices?_

_Are people eating?_

_Where is he?_

He can barely even register the solid press of the wooden table against his cheek. With a groan, he raises his head from the burrow he's made of his arms and looks up. He blinks blearily around him, trying to take in his surroundings, but the lights are too bright and everything just keeps _moving_ –

"Lance? Hey, Lance?"

He gives his head a little shake – bad idea – and tries to focus on the voice; it's coming from the guy seated diagonally across the table. He squints at him for a few seconds before he finally recognizes the concerned brown eyes staring at him. A goofy grin stretches across his face.

"Hunk!" he exclaims, throwing his arms wide open. The person on his right ducks just in time to avoid getting hit in the face and the seat to his left is fortunately empty. "Hunk! My main man! My buddy!"

The concerned look drops from his best friend's face to be replaced by an amused one. Hunk laughs good-naturedly, the sound echoed by the tiny figure on his right. Lance whirls on the figure, and something audibly clicks in his mind when he remembers who it is.

"And what are _you_ laughing at, you damned gremlin?"

"Nothing," Pidge snickers. "It's just funny that you can barely hold your liquor."

Lance purses his lips, a fair bit excessively, and seriously contemplates Pidge's words.

"I can hold it down just fine!" he says shrilly and grabs a hold of a glass that may or may not be his own. "See! Holding it down just fine!"

Pidge falls back in a full-blown cackle, colliding into the guy seated next to her in the booth. The guy turns around, yelping in surprise, and Lance immediately lets go of the glass in his hand, nearly clambering over a protesting Pidge to take a closer look at the new figure.

"Pidge number two," he breathes, utterly fascinated.

The girl is trying desperately to stifle her laughter now, having given up on trying to not be Lance's new elbow rest, and 'Pidge number two' chuckles bemusedly. Lance grabs onto Pidge, shaking her while keeping his eyes locked on her supposed doppelganger.

"Pidge!" he cries. "Pidge, you promised me your first humanoid robot would be of _me_. This is an outrage!"

He continues to shake her, the girl weakly trying to get out of his grasp, too worn out from laughing.

"But you got something wrong, dude," he's saying. "You made it way too tall. And why the glasses? I mean I know you had a _phase_ but..."

He trails off and stares at the glasses in an almost offended manner before he settles back properly into his seat along the booth. His attention immediately switches to the girl seated next to Hunk, or more precisely, the large hoop earrings glinting underneath her chic bob.

"Holy shit," he mumbles, leaning across the table. Hunk hurriedly shifts a wine bottle to the side. "Those earrings are _huge_!"

The girl blinks in surprise but then smiles happily.

"I suppose I shall accept that as a compliment," she says.

"Damn right you should! They look gorgeous on you," he replies, completely transfixed, and she giggles behind her hand.

"Thank you, Lance. You said so earlier this night as well." She turns to Hunk then, voice lowering, although Lance isn't even paying attention to her words, being completely captivated by the glittering earrings as he was. "This is how he normally is when he has alcohol?"

Hunk lets out a laugh and waves his hand dismissively when Lance looks over at him with a curious expression.

"Yeah. He gets real sleepy at first. And then when he wakes up? Boom. He becomes, like, Lance 2.0. Like a Lance on steroids." He shakes his head but eyes his best friend fondly. Lance's face twists into one of confusion, muttering something that sounds like 'I've never had drugs before in my _life_ ' and Hunk chuckles.

"He's mostly a happy drunk," he says.

"Mostly?"

Hunk nods, and he's about to open his mouth to explain when someone slips into the seat next to Lance.

"He finally awake?" the newcomer asks, question directed at Hunk, although his gaze is on Lance.

Lance's shifting attention latches onto this new specimen, eyes carefully cataloging every feature to try to line it up with a familiar face.

The person has extremely pale skin, framed by almost shoulder-length black hair. Staring back at him are a pair of dark grey eyes that seem to almost glint violet, but that can't be possible. It's probably a trick of the light; restaurant lighting isn't exactly the best the world has to offer. Full, pink lips are curled in an amused smirk and Lance's eyes catch on a stray strand of hair falling into his face. The rest of his hair is mostly messy, and not in a styled way, but it somehow looks good nonetheless, with bangs being pushed back with a thin, black headband. He looks familiar, but Lance can't quite pinpoint where he's seen him before.

"Yeah," Hunk is saying in response to the previous question. "Not too long ago. How was your phone call?"

He finally looks away from Lance to respond to Hunk.

"It was fine," he nods. "Client just wanted to know if they could see the plans for the building this weekend."

The words go in one ear and exit the other for Lance. He can hear the sounds but they mean nothing to him. All he knows is how deep and velvety that voice is and how soft and pliant those lips look. The sight of such a man in front of him seems to clear his head a little or _something_ because his thoughts stop being so muddled and a path starts to lay down in front of him, leading towards his new object of interest.

"Hey," he says, voice low and suave, and leans his elbow on the table, angling his body to face him. He flashes one of his most charming grins. "The name's Lance."

The person's head snaps towards him and he looks surprised for a few seconds before a knowing smile makes its way onto his face.

"I know," is the only answer he supplies.

Mystery Man picks up the wine glass in front of him and takes a sip. It takes Lance a second before the man's reply fully sinks in, his attention having been fixated on those ridiculously pretty lips.

"Uhh, you know?" he says dumbly. "Do we know each other?"

He feels shaking from Pidge behind him and Hunk is pulling some really weird faces. The man himself smiles elusively.

"Hm... You could say that," he says breezily.

Lance frowns. He knows someone this attractive and doesn't even remember them? Ridiculous. Preposterous. Unheard of.

"You're sure?"

Another smile. "Positive."

He mulls it over for a bit before he perks up. Flashing another winning smile – one that always has the ladies swooning – Lance leans in ever so slightly and tilts his head to catch the man's eyes.

"Well my memory's a bit stilted right now but what do you say we make some new ones later tonight?"

The teasing and lighthearted mood between them immediately drops, like a door slamming in his face or a trapdoor swinging shut. The frown and the scolding tone that gets sent his way makes Lance feel like a child getting reprimanded by a parent.

"Isn't that even more reason to _not_ do anything tonight?"

"Okay okay that came out wrong." Lance holds up his hands in surrender. His face feels warm at the abrupt rejection ~~and maybe the alcohol too~~. "Then how's about we just talk? Get to know each other a bit more?"

His ears pick up on snickering behind him but it doesn't process in his head. Mystery Man raises an eyebrow.

"What would you like to know?"

Lance brightens. He's getting somewhere!

"A name would be a great start," he purrs, resting his chin in his palm.

The man stares at him for a long moment before a smirk catches on his lips.

"Kogane," he finally says.

There's an eruption of laughter around him. Hunk's laugh is loud and echoing and there's a resounding cackle from Pidge. Even the girl whose earrings he complimented – Shay, he suddenly remembers – is giggling.

"Oh man," Hunk chokes out when he manages to catch his breath. "Dude, don't mess with him too much."

Lance's lower lip juts out in a pout, and tears begin to prickle at his eyes.

"Is...that not your name?"

The guy – Kogane? – blinks and shakes his head frantically.

"What? No!" He glares at Hunk. "Ignore him. He's spouting nonsense because he's drunk."

Lance considers him for a second and then shrugs, moving on from the possibility that he's lying about his name. His tears are already gone, having disappeared as soon as they came. That was the thing with a drunk Lance; his emotions shifted rapidly and explosively.

"Alright then Kogane," he says slowly, testing the name on his tongue. It feels a little odd, like something's missing, but he dismisses it and grins. "What's a pretty character like yourself doing here?"

Kogane raises an eyebrow at him, but looks relieved that Lance hasn't started bawling.

"We're all here to celebrate Coran's birthday, remember?" Kogane replies, pointing across the table to the person seated next to Shay. He isn't sure how he hasn't noticed him until now; his bright orange mustache is something that demands to be seen. The man is in a deep conversation with the silver-haired girl sat beside him, as well as Pidge's robot clone and a guy with a skunk(?)-inspired haircut.

Lance stares at the four figures for a while longer before he remembers to turn around and continue his conversation with Kogane. The man is smiling at him, and he feels himself get sucked right into that gaze.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have really beautiful eyes?" he blurts out, unable to look away while he says so.

He gives himself a very real and not-imaginary congratulatory pat on the back when Kogane's cheeks show a slight tinge of pink. The man looks away and takes a sip of his drink before casting him a sidelong glance.

"I've heard it several times," he says offhandedly and Lance deflates a little. So he wasn't the first one.

"So are you here with anyone?"

Kogane smiles, eyes glinting mischievously and gestures at the rest of the table.

"Weren't you listening, _Lance_?"

Lance smirks and leans in closer until there are mere inches between them.

"You know what I mean, Kogane. If that's even your real name." There's a beat of silence and then without warning, he leaps back, eyes wide with excitement and squealing across the table at Hunk, who had long since reverted to a conversation with Shay.

"Hunk!" he yells gleefully, only to be shushed by Kogane because they're 'in a restaurant!' or something. "Hunk! I almost made a rhyme!"

Hunk grins and gives a thumbs up.

"Great job, buddy. What'd you say?"

Lance beams.

"I asked Ko _gane_ if that was his real _name_ ," he says proudly. His quickly cycling thoughts reminds him of the attractive man beside him and he abruptly turns back, pulling up a flirty smile. "So? You here with someone, pretty boy?"

Kogane laughs at the changes in attitude before casting a look at him. It's wondrously warm and incredibly affectionate, and Lance feels his breath catch because of it. He can't help but stare and drown in that gaze.

"Yes," the other man says softly, and he tilts his head thoughtfully. "I came with my boyfriend actually."

Lance is broken from his trance when he hears those words. They mean something, he knows, but they don't add up with those eyes that feel like warm hugs and soft kisses. They're not making sense together in his hazy and quickly-shifting mind so he focuses only on one of them.

A gaze is nondescript and up for interpretation; it's vague. He casts that aside. But words, _words_ on the other hands were created for the very sake of communication. They are easier to decipher than a gaze of _feelings_ and for the time being, in Lance's mind, Keith's words are much clearer than the look residing in those dark eyes. Lance comes to a conclusion.

His heart drop to his stomach, burning in the acid and alcohol residing there.

"You–" Lance can't finish his sentence. He feels lightheaded; his vision is blurring. "But–"

He spins around and tackles Pidge, shoving his face into her shoulder and wailing. The poor girl gets knocked to the side, creating a domino effect as she topples against her double, who falls into the skunk guy, who barely manages to keep himself upright and not knock into the random stranger at the next table.

"Pidge!" he cries. "He says he's taken!"

There's a hesitant hand patting his head but he accepts whatever comfort she offers him.

"...Who says he's taken," she finally asks.

"K-Kogane says he's got a boyfriend!" he wails, hiccupping through his words.

Pidge may have sighed, Lance isn't really sure. He barely even notices when Pidge stops patting at his head and then he's being shifted around to bawl into a familiar shoulder before he finally exhausts himself and passes out.

  
  


"...And that's what happened."

The girl leans back, a smug grin on her face. Lance has got his face buried in his hands. That was so utterly _humiliating_.

"You still want to say you weren't _that_ drunk last night?" Pidge asks.

Keith chuckles from his spot beside him.

"Alright Pidge I think he gets it. Stop taunting him," he snickers. His words are kind but Lance glares at him for the playful glint that remains in his eyes. He huffs and pointedly looks away.

"Aw babe, come on. We're just teasing," Keith says, and Lance feels a weight – Keith's chin – dig into his shoulder.

Pidge raises an eyebrow at him and he sighs.

"Just...don't play me so hard next time," he relents, looking sidelong at his boyfriend, who winces in return.

"Yeah. I didn't expect you to actually start crying like that."

Lance smiles and closes his eyes, leaning forward to butt his forehead lightly against Keith's. It's a silent acceptance of the unspoken apology written all over his face. A peaceful silence falls over the two of them.

"No promises from me though!" Pidge suddenly says, breaking the moment.

She's grinning a cheeky smile and Lance groans, burying his face back into his hands. He can feel Keith shaking with laughter beside him though and a secret smile graces his lips at the sound.

**Author's Note:**

> ya idk I've never been drunk before lol
> 
> also flirting?? lol help me
> 
> catch me on [tumblr](http://saltenecker.tumblr.com) tho and check out my [merklance](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11016525/chapters/24548259) fic??


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